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Published on: 2/1/2026
Pain with intimacy after 65 is common and usually due to genitourinary syndrome of menopause from low estrogen, which causes dryness, thinning, and tightness; comfort can often be restored with vaginal moisturizers and lubricants, low-dose local estrogen, non-estrogen prescriptions, and pelvic floor physical therapy. There are several factors and warning signs to consider, including infections, skin conditions, prolapse, or rare cancers; see a clinician promptly for bleeding, persistent pain, new or worsening symptoms, or discharge changes. See the complete guidance below to decide your safest next steps, including emotional supports, lifestyle tips, and how to talk with your partner.
Many women over 65 are surprised to find that intimacy becomes uncomfortable or even painful after menopause. Pain during intercourse is common in later life, but it is not something you have to "just live with." Understanding why these changes happen—and what can be done—can help restore comfort, confidence, and quality of life.
This article explains vaginal atrophy (now often called genitourinary syndrome of menopause, or GSM), why it causes pain, and what safe, effective options are available. The information shared here is based on well-established medical understanding from gynecology, menopause medicine, and sexual health research.
After menopause, the body produces much less estrogen. Estrogen plays a key role in keeping vaginal tissue healthy, elastic, and well-lubricated. When estrogen levels drop, several changes can occur:
These changes can lead to pain during intercourse, burning, or a feeling of tightness. For many women, symptoms worsen with age if left untreated.
It's important to know this is a physical change—not a personal failure, lack of desire, or "normal aging" that must be endured.
Vaginal atrophy is a medical condition that affects up to half of post-menopausal women, yet many never discuss it with a healthcare provider.
These symptoms can appear gradually and may feel embarrassing to talk about, but they are widely recognized and treatable medical concerns.
Pain during sex doesn't just affect the body—it can affect relationships and emotional health as well.
Some women experience:
If pain has been present for a long time, the body may begin to tense automatically, making discomfort worse. This cycle can be broken, but it often requires both physical treatment and emotional understanding.
In some cases, past experiences can also play a role in ongoing discomfort. If you've experienced previous trauma that may be affecting your intimate well-being, you can take a confidential, free Sexual Trauma symptom check to better understand what might be contributing to your current symptoms.
There is no single solution that works for everyone, but many women find relief using a combination of approaches.
These are often the first line of relief.
Vaginal moisturizers:
Lubricants:
These products are widely available and safe for many women, though persistent symptoms may require more targeted treatment.
Low-dose vaginal estrogen is considered one of the most effective treatments for vaginal atrophy and pain during intercourse.
It works by:
Local estrogen comes in several forms:
Because the dose is low and acts locally, it is generally considered safe for many women—even those well past menopause. A doctor can help determine whether this option is appropriate for you, especially if you have a history of cancer or other hormone-sensitive conditions.
For women who cannot or prefer not to use estrogen, other prescription treatments may help:
These options should always be discussed with a healthcare provider to weigh benefits and risks.
Pelvic floor muscles can become tight or uncoordinated in response to pain. Specialized physical therapy can help by:
This approach is especially helpful if pain has been present for years or if anxiety around intercourse has developed.
While vaginal atrophy is common, pain during intercourse should never be ignored, especially if it is new, severe, or worsening.
Other conditions that may cause pain include:
Speak to a doctor promptly if you notice:
Anything that could be serious or life-threatening deserves medical evaluation without delay.
Many women over 65 grew up in a time when sexual health was not openly discussed. As a result, pain during intercourse is often suffered in silence.
Helpful steps include:
Your comfort matters at every age.
Small daily habits can make a difference:
These steps won't replace medical treatment when needed, but they can support overall comfort.
Pain during intercourse after 65 is common, medical, and treatable. It is not a sign that intimacy is "over" or that suffering is inevitable. Today, there are more options than ever to improve comfort and quality of life.
If pain has emotional roots or is connected to past experiences, consider using a free Sexual Trauma symptom checker as a gentle, private way to explore contributing factors and gain clarity about your symptoms.
Most importantly, speak to a doctor or qualified healthcare provider about ongoing pain, bleeding, or any symptoms that worry you. Early evaluation can rule out serious conditions and open the door to effective treatment.
Comfort, dignity, and intimacy remain important at every stage of life—and you deserve care that reflects that truth.
(References)
* Santoro N, Fuh V, Kim MJ. Genitourinary Syndrome of Menopause: An Overview of Available Treatments. Climacteric. 2021 Apr;24(2):119-125. doi: 10.1080/13697137.2020.1837920. PMID: 33176742.
* Goldstein I, Kim NN, Clayton AH, et al. Management of Genitourinary Syndrome of Menopause: Current Trends and Future Directions. Sex Med Rev. 2017 Jul;5(3):350-363. doi: 10.1016/j.sxmr.2017.03.003. PMID: 28629938.
* The 2023 Nonhormonal Management of Menopause Symptoms Position Statement of The North American Menopause Society. Menopause. 2023 Nov 1;30(11):1111-1133. doi: 10.1097/GME.0000000000002264. PMID: 37889704.
* Porta S, Seres-Valderrama F, García-Pascual A, et al. Genitourinary Syndrome of Menopause (GSM): An Update for the Clinician. Womens Health (Lond). 2023 Jan-Dec;19:17455065231182513. doi: 10.1177/17455065231182513. PMID: 37376378.
* Palacios S, Combalia N, Portman DJ. Vulvovaginal Atrophy: a Comprehensive Review of the Pathophysiology, Clinical Manifestations, and Management. Climacteric. 2019 Jun;22(3):284-292. doi: 10.1080/13697137.2019.1585800. PMID: 30973347.
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